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| Stop Sign by Brad Gibson |
That’s the sentence that popped into my mind while I was practicing yoga yesterday afternoon (a very enjoyable backbend practice, by the way). In the back of my mind, I was obviously mulling over a post I read on the It’s All Yoga Baby blog (see when the yoga doesn’t work: depression, failure & the purpose of practice), in which Roseanne talked about her depression and her feeling that she is “failing” at her yoga practice.
“Underneath it all, however, is a vague sense that I’m failing at my practice, that I’m as broken and fucked up as I was before I committed to yoga (chronic and clinical depression was what drove me to practice in the first place), that the practice isn’t working. There’s also the vague sense that I’m not allowed to be feeling this way – there are many stories of miraculous healing from depression (and everything else) through yoga, but nobody talks about the relapses. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.”
I’ve already mentioned in a couple of previous posts (see Practice As Many As You Can and Authentic Yoga) how reading Yoga Body by Mark Singleton brought home to me once again that most of what we consider to be “yoga” these days was developed in the 20th century. This means that, contrary to what some teachers claim, the yoga we know and practice these days is not some thousands-of-years-old practice that is the answer to everything, including depression and anxiety, as well as physical injuries and illnesses (though it can definitely help with those things for certain people). And I think those in the yoga community who promote it as such, do us all a disservice. Because the result for people like Roseanne is that when yoga doesn’t provide the answer for them, they feel as if they are at fault, that they are doing something wrong, or that they have “failed” in some way. And the truth is, yoga was probably only used to treat depression and anxiety starting in the 20th century.
When I teach yoga for emotional well-being (including depression, anxiety, stress, etc.), I always add that I while I consider yoga to be a powerful tool for improving mental health, it may not be the only answer for you. In fact, you may need to use it as a supplement to western medicine, including drugs and/or therapy. And I recommend that if you are in a crisis, you should consult with your family doctor or a mental health professional. You need to do whatever it takes to help you get better. And, please, no guilt or shame about this!
The truth is, many years ago, before I became serious about yoga but while I was taking regular classes, I had two nervous breakdowns (the diagnosis was agitated depression), within a five-year period. And I’m convinced that, especially during the second breakdown, that my family doctor and the drugs she prescribed for me prevented me from being hospitalized. Later on, life style changes, including a regular home yoga practice, helped me reduce the stress in my life that seemed to be the main trigger for my illness. And I’ve been well since then. But just as important, I believe that yoga has also helped me come to a state of self acceptance regarding my condition. And this included both overcoming my feeling of shame about taking medication for depression (my therapist encouraged me to stay on a low maintenance dose) and starting to talk—and write—about my experiences as a way of possibly helping others.
I want to be very clear that I’m not here giving any medical advice here. This post is not intended to tell anyone what the best way is to heal from depression. I just felt that it was very important to state that as wonderful as I feel yoga is, I believe it has its limits. And there's no shame in that. Really, all I’m trying to say here is summed up by the sentence that I opened this post with:
“Yoga is a great thing but it is not everything or the only thing.”
